The Downside of Monogamy...

It's great to be in a relationship, I'd love to be on my own though. However there are many downsides apart from the obvious ones of hearing your friend's stories of amazing casual sex. For every romantic walk on the beach there's a hundred times you stand outside a woman's clothing shop changing room holding a handbag, hoping there's a Sunglasses stand to pretend you're looking at, and trying not to look like you're looking at women changing, underwear section, teenage girls etc..For every candlelit dinner you have there's all those times you have to buy Tampons for her, (knowing as you do there is also a very horrible reason for men to buy them, while hoping that the shop assistant doesn't, and instead thinks you're one of those progressive boyfriends). And for every amazing fuck you have, you'll have plenty of wanks rather than ask for it in fear of being turned down. For every time you see her in that little black dress, long beautiful legs beneath, breasts almost pressing out through it, there'll be far more times she's shuffling around the house in children's PJ's, your slippers, hair like that guy with the scissor hands, tissue in hand and snot running down her face.

Ok, that was solely from a man's point of view, so before my girlfriend reads this, here's my take from a woman's point of view:

For everytime she says you smell nice, far more often you smell like a dead animal wrapped in garlic
For every time you take her to sexual heaven, many more times you just wanna 'finish' on her tits in 3 minutes.
For every passionate kiss you give her, most times your beard tears the face off her.
For every romantic candlelit bath you have together, you end up 'highlighting' her hair 20 minutes after she's washed it.
For every time.....
Ok, I can't go on like this listing how horrible it is to be with me!!
..and sometimes I don't take my socks off during sex!!??....What's wrong with that? It's not like I asked her to bring one of her hot-ass friend along for a threesome, or I don't love her, maybe I want her so badly I couldn't be bothered to take them off, or maybe my feet are fucking freezing!!