The Idea of You....

You know when you have that serious crush, and it all seems so fantastic in your head? It rarely works out that way, I'd like to think I'm able to look past that at this stage, and see in some sense what it would really be like to be with that person, and funnily enough it still seems fantastic in my head. You know like watching the stars would never get boring with her, you could take up knitting together and it would be fun, walks in the park are better than heroin & out in the park with the walking dogs. It never worked out like that though, I thought that maybe we'd have a long story to tell people as to how we got to be such a happy couple. But I usually run away from feeling like this and i have no idea why, maybe I'm afraid to love people that are capable of hurting me. Oh Well, maybe in the next life!!

No one thinks you're hotter...

..than your stalker. You know when you don't want your guy to see you without make-up or you're worried if you're getting fat and he won't find you as attractive. You get up before him to make yourself pretty, so he won't see what you look like in the morning. Must be a pain right? Then you need a stalker!!..He won't care that your hair is stuck to your face, or that your roots are a different colour, or that haven't brushed your teeth or anything like that, he just wants to murder you in some sexual fashion, win-win right!!?? If i had a stalker i'd think 'Wow, here's a situation I could take advantage of'.
I realise that picture is of that hot actor, Mark Something, and most people women would live with that, it's just that there's a video game called Stalker and this seems to be the dominant Google image search. (Awesome game too)

Say Cheese!!

I was forced to get my picture taken at a work thing last night. That's gotta be the first time since i was a child that i've had my picture taken. I fucking hate getting photographed. The obvious conclusion is that I hate the way I look, and it's really as simple as that. I don't look in mirrors either, which why you will sometimes see me with toothpaste on my face or price tags on my clothes (€5 shirt from Dunnes Stores yesterday). I don't know why I'm so insecure about the way i look,(probably because i'm so ugly). I don't think I was bullied by beautiful people when i was young or anything, although I do get bullied by a beautiful person now (you know who you are!!). Apart from being aesthetically challenged, i hate vanity, so maybe it's that...That's not me in the picture, although my guilt problem will make me lose sleep for a week for using a picture of this poor kid to make myself feel better about myself ( Oh Man, I'm fucked up)

I just realised that i use a lot of lower case 'i' , so maybe my insecurity problem is more deep rooted than I thought.
I've just realised he's wearing that T-shirt, which is in no way a reflection on me, I would never do that, have a date!!

Back to School...

My son went back to school this morning, he doesn't mind at all but I'm devastated for him. Although I sometimes think that work sucks, it's fucking way better than school. I used to hate school, I was (and still am) way too restless to be sit still for six hours a day (i can manage it at work sometimes though). Everything I can't do, be still, be quiet, write, learn etc. are associated with school .I'd love to go back for a day though, 5th class maths would be a cinch and some of those teachers are hot.

What if....

..you knew for certain that you would never have sex with anyone other than your partner? Never have that taste of somebody new, never have that anticipation, that nervous teenager feeling that you know you'll never experience with a long term partner.....
Would that bother you?, I've been asking people this for the past few days, and of maybe 30 people I've asked, only 4 have said that it wouldn't bother them (one of these people was my girlfriend, she's such a fucking liar!! and the other 3 were married). It isn't any indication of the state of your relationship, or how good or bad your sex life is, it's just some irrational fear I guess. I'm pretty fond of my girlfriend, nothing wrong with our sex life either, but if I thought that I'd never have sex with anyone but her before I die, I'd be really, really upset. Doesn't mean I want to cheat on her or am ever going to, It's just the thought of it is all!!

Porn

I don't really agree with pornography. I'm not a prude or anything, I just think that it desensitizes us to the true wonder of a naked body, and gives people unrealistic expectations (not me though, my girlfriend's fucking perfect). I'm not saying I've never looked at porn, I certainly have, I just think that when you see a naked woman for the first time it shouldn't be in a magazine or on a computer screen. I'm fairly oblivious to the 'demeaning of women' arguement to be honest, but I think it goes a long way to making feel men insecure about the size of their penis, as male porn stars are so well endowed, (camera adds two inches, I tell myself). Again not a prude!!....I had a lot of fun looking for a picture for this post.

I'm not saying looking at porn is wrong or anything, it's just my feelings on the subject. My son just turned eleven, so I bought him a 'card swipe alarm thing' lock for his bedroom door,...'What's that for Dad?..'You'll thank me some day Son!!

When routine bites hard....

I've always been promoting the idea that if you want a happy relationship you're better off with someone you like 'just fine' as opposed to someone you're madly in love with. All those small things that hurt so much when you're in love, those misinterpreted feelings, that jealousy, that insecurity, all out weigh that warm tingly feeling you get. I feel that a great relationship takes hard work, just as any endeavor does, the more you put into it the more you get out of it. You may think that I'm saying this 'cos I've never been in love, but no, I'd fall for the kitchen table if it said something nice about me. I'm saying 'cos I've been in love too many times. However up until recently I would have questioned that belief, but I proved myself right in spectacular fashion last year!!!..Poor Ian Curtis!