Cosmo Sex Tips!!!

I have a lot of problems with magazines like Cosmopolitian, here's a fine example. It's full of impracticle sex tips, 'Wear a wet t-shirt to bed'...Huh??...But here are some far more horrifying ones:


#1..Bite the family jewels: Softly bite the skin of his scrotum.
When dealing with teeth & that part of the body, using the modifier 'Softly' doesn't do anything to make it better, it's like saying 'Softly jam a lighting cigarette into his eye'

#2..A little known erogenous zone: the area between a guys navel & his penis. Lick it, tickle it or tug on the hairs there.
That hair qualifies as pubes, so technically the tip is 'Yank on his pubes'


#3..It really sucks when a woman handles your manhood with care. Ladies, our units aren't that sensitive. We really need you to get rough with them, squeeze hard, really grab onto it like you're milking a cow. You may think you're hurting him, but I gurantee if you asked him, he'd request more, more' -Steven, 23.

a).."It really sucks when a woman handles your manhood with care."

No, it doesn't. There is no part of our body we want you to be intentionally negligent with. Even if it's our shins we're talking about here, handle them with care. And when it comes to our genitals, multiply that by one thousand.

b)"Ladies, our units aren't that sensitive."

Ladies, go watch an old episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. See how the guy doubles over and nearly vomits when hit with a light, plastic football? Yes, our units are fucking that sensitive.

c)"We need you to get a little rough with them--squeeze hard, suck hard, really grab onto it like you're milking a cow. You may think you're hurting him, but I guarantee if you asked, he'd request more, more."

That last bit is your best clue. "I guarantee if you asked..." No need to ask before you abuse his junk, ladies! Just assume he'll answer in the affirmative. His screaming means it's working!

Gotta worry about what 'Steven' does to women!!

#4..'Make two fists around my shaft & twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can'-Jamie, 30.
Jesus save us!! Isn't that a chinese burn?..It's hurts a hella of a lot on my arm, so it's bound to feel great on my cock, right?? Jamie, i swear if my girlfriend ever does that to me i'll come & find you!!

Lisbon....

Hardcore advertising this time, dead babies, nude people, minimum wage at €1:84 etc.. and the government telling us 'No' means 'Yes', don't try that with women fellas!!. I reckon if it was a 'No' vote this time, they'd be breaking out the Rohypnol. I have loads of opinions on this treaty that I now have no right to voice because I've forgotten to vote. What with work, getting my car fixed, going to an interview, shopping etc..it slipped my mind. I woulda voted 'Yes', for no other reason then I didn't get time to finish reading the 147 page treaty and thus asked my son to choose, which he based on the fact that 'Rock' beats 'Scissors'....and anyway where the hell did they get a picture of a man that looked like this in Ireland??