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A Craption..

''He takes her for granite''...or...''John requested that he be remembered for his proudest achievement..John was a Rapist.

Movie Review..'Zack & Miri Make a Porno'

It's annoying the amount of unintelligent movie reviews online these days, so I'm about to change all that...So there's these two friends and like they're broke right!! So the guy says ''lets make a porno'', but the chick is like ''i dunno'' but then she says yeah and they make a porno. You don't see it going in or anything though, which was crap. But the movie was real funny and the chick was hot. It was weird when they fucked, so the lesson is, don't fuck your friends, it'll be weird & shit. And then you won't be friends anymore. So if any of my female friends wanna fuck me, sorry girls, i value our friendship too much to ruin it with amazing sex. Not really!! I don't care if it's weird afterwards, and that's why i don't have any female friends. So A++ outta 10 for me again, and the movie was good too.

I want!!

Now i really want one of these. How handy would that be? Well actually i don't need one, women do what i tell them anyway..Yes, I'm fooling myself!!

Cosmo..For the life you wish you had

Indigo Girls

I can't describe the pleasure these two women have brought to over the years. No one can write love songs like these two. Since i was young i wondered what they looked like, when i found out that they weren't too pretty i cared not. I'd still marry them. Later i found out they were both lesbians. Which meant all those beautiful love songs weren't written for me. For every woman i loved, every affair i had, there's an Indigo Girls song that hits me hard every time.

A Cartoon

Disclaimer: The author of this Blog does not condone cruelty to animals. No animals were harmed during the making of this comic strip.

Cute Little Ass

If anybody out there is wondering what to get me for Christmas, get me one of these. How cute is she? Man i would have great fun riding around the fields on that, whip in hand, all 12 stone of me.

Cute Little Ass #2

If anybody out there is wondering what to get me for Christmas, get me one of these. How cute is she? Man i would have great fun riding around the fields on that, whip in hand, all 12 stone of me

New Comic

Depressed & Cranky

I’m depressed and cranky today. I’m trying to put my finger on it but i can’t. I do have some episodes that need closing in my life,and I’m lonely, but then i always am. I think it’s that i haven’t done very much today, Went out for dinner, some shopping and not much else. I always get depressed on days like this, i guess i’m just meant to be restless, i should go with it and run myself ragged, i’m happier that way.

My Head is Wrecked!!

Rain

I like when it rains, it washes everything clean, it cleans my soul & washes away my pain, like a heavenly shower. Ha Ha, only joking it's just an excuse to park my fat, lazy ass on the couch all day and when it rains i don't have to wash my car

Oh Sweet...

.....a Playstation 3!!!

Girls Getting Ready

We went out last night, and my girlfriend spent more time getting ready than we spent drinking. Twenty outfits later we left with her still unhappy with her choice of clothes, and our main topic of conversation was how unhappy she was with the way she was dressed. Well, we did talk a lot about people we knew that we'd like to fuck. I on the under hand found some clothes thrown on my bedroom floor, stuck my head under the tap and walked out the door with my pants still open. And the picture?..Therapy for that last one!!

Christmas is Coming

I usually love Christmas, but last year was way too much work. I spent so much money, I'm pretty sure that there's nothing left to buy for my son. So this year we're not making a fuss. I think the guilt is the worst thing, how many Third world children could you save for the price of a Playstation 3? And walking around town with arms full of Brown Thomas bags makes it difficult to look people who look like they're struggling for Christmas in the eye. So James is getting a Kinder Egg, and Sharon is getting a bar of Chocolate this year. Merry Christmas!!.....and the picture?..Well i couldn't find a photo of Christmas that I liked, but for some reason i like this one, I hope Santa comes into my room this year!!!

I Can't Sleep

I don’t know why, I’m tired enough alright. Maybe it’s Christmas is getting me down, or maybe I’m sexually frustrated. Or it could be my pet T-Rex is in my way!! Isn’t he cute & cuddly though. I like those little arms he has. His name is Rex (Clever I Know). We trained him to be vegetarian. He was a stray we took in, isn’t it terrible how people just abandon thier pets, although i did hear that he ate thier kids.

More Comic

I wish the simple things in life made me laugh, you know, fart jokes, people falling down etc..but no, it takes a cartoon of someone injuring a child!!!

Real Mr. Burns

I'm not a big Simpsons fan but you gotta love Mr. Burns.

Another Comic

Katy Perry

Oh for Fuck's sake!!!!!!!

Smoking..

..I hate it so much, i so desperately want to quit. It's got such a hold on me. Everything thing i enjoy in life is associated with a cigarette, Finish eating..Cigarette, Cup of Tea..Cigarette, Conversation..Cigarette, Break from work..Cigarette, Finish sex..Cigarette. Tomorrow is gonna be my first smoke free day. Providing no one looks at me sideways, annoys me, talks to me, i don't get bored, i don't have sex, i don't eat and i don't see somebody else smoking..I'll be fine, right?

Ben & Jerry...

..Jesus save me from these two, this ice cream is too nice. So many flavours and it's half price at my local supermarket today. I'll be so fat that when i die from ice cream, they'll have to take the roof off my house to get my fat corpse out. Tomorrow night i'm gonna buy five tubs and invent my own flavour.

A Comic

Feckin' Spam...

I get so many spam E-mails, just today i've won £850,000 in some lottery, A special offer on Viagra, a penis enlargement offer (do these people know me), and an Arabian prince wants me to help him get his money out of the country, he's gonna give me £500,000 if i help him. Oh and Laura4455, i know that's not really you in that picture!!

Photoshop For Real

Isn't this cool?

Girl Love

I don’t understand why all women aren’t gay. I mean men are gross, they’re hairy, smelly, and have a penis. Woman are beautiful. I feel bad for women, that they have to have sex with men. If i’m making love to a woman, I feel bad for her, i mean wouldn’t she be better off with another woman? Maybe not, I’m the greatest fuck on the planet!

Pretty Girls

Maybe that analogy that pretty equals dumb isn’t true. Maybe it’s only Paris Hilton that’s like that. Or maybe it’s that everyone is interesting, but we’re better motivated to get to know pretty girls. If she wasn’t so pretty would you want to know her favourite movie, her favourite colour, her favourite music? This is a curse on all men, so many wonderful women out there, but only the pretty ones get attention. I find pretty girls most interesting, but then i don’t know any plain girls very well. If i opened my mind instead of my eyes maybe I’d find someone special. I know that will never happen, i’m as shallow as the next guy. Gimmie a nice bum instead of a girl that’s interested in physics any day!!!

I'm Always Sad...

..i always manage to find some reason to be sad and very few reasons to be happy. Sometimes i have to think really hard of a reason to be sad, but i manage to anyway. I'm sure i have lots of reasons to be happy but things like having a nice family, enough money, hot girlfriend, great job, Ps3, Xbox360, Wii, a Porsche toaster, nice penis, are never going to make up for the fact that my bed is too comfortable, my kitchen chairs are too hard, my internet is too slow, and that movie i saw last night had a crap ending!!

Looking for Love..not me, i hate it!!

I often wonder, if i was single, where would i find someone? I met my girlfriend at work, but these days that's classed as sexual harrassment. Nightclubs & bars aren't really my thing, and i'm not really interested in people i don't know. So, sad as it sounds i think it'd have to be the internet for me. Firstly, in order to use a computer you have to be somewhat intelligent. Secondly, you can put pictures on your profile these days. And thirdly, that person would have to be as sad, lonely & desperate as I am.

Sex Positions!

I can never understand couples who resort to books like the Kama Sutra. I mean do they say things like ''Ok, you bend over and put your legs around my neck & I'll wrap my legs around your neck and we'll go from there''?. I think you have to be pretty bored of your sex like to resort to this. What ever happened to passion?, you get into whatever position you get into.These people should try that game 'Twister'. I heard about this cool one though called the 'Missionary Position'..where the man lies on top of the woman. Woah!! that's pretty fucked up. If i have a few drinks tonight, i might try it.

Yet another Craption.

If your countries population exceeds a billion sometimes you have to take drastic measures -- sometimes you have to play pool outdoors.

Jealousy!

Movie Review!

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People.
It's a ''He's a dickhead, but you like him anyway, he's picks the wrong woman but realises it at the end'' movie. So far so predictable, but it's got Simon Pegg in it, he's great & Kirsten Dunst, when you look at her she's kinda alright, but when she smiles or talks it's like 'Woah'. She's my new 'Babe i'd like to fuck but never will' (just like every other woman on the planet for me then). But It's got some hilarious scenes, and a great ending (no tears for Owen ). So A+ outta 10 from me.

Purity test..

I took one of those purity tests today, I'm not sure what to make of it, i'm pretty sure there's no science behind it. Turns out i'm pretty normal, but then with questions like: ''orally stimulated a member of the same sex?'', I'm pretty ok with being normal. Anyway here's my results:

You answered "yes" to 69 of 100 questions, making you 31.0% sexually pure (69.0% sexually corrupt); that is, you are 31.0% pure in the sex domain.
Your Weirdness Factor (AKA Uniqueness Factor) is 17%, based on a comparison of your test results with 1219397 other submissions for this test.

The average purity for this test is 55.3%

Here's the link....... www.armory.com/tests/purity.html

I hope we never end up like this....

Sometime when we're out, my girlfriend and I see these couples that just sit there silently with each other. Hours pass and they just sit there, no passion, no words, no life together. I sometimes wonder if something terrible has passed between them or they're just too afraid to find someone else. And these aren't always older couples, more often than not they're young people. As we sit there mauling each other & laughing until Morgan Spice rum comes down our noses, i wonder if we'll end up like that. A lot has passed between us too, and we're together a long time, but if you're gonna be with someone you should make that all it can be. Or maybe that's enough for them, maybe they'll go home and fuck each other's brains out on the kitchen table, after all we just go home, peck on the cheek, 'night dear and off to sleep. But, we do usually have sex in a tree on the way home.

There's Always Photoshop

If, like me, you are a crap photographer, there's always Photoshop. Click it!!

These are the droids you're looking for.

We met them on holidays last year, much nicer than they are in the Star Wars movies. Would you like some chips?..Roger, Roger!!!

Can we just have cuddly sex tonight please?

Just for tonight you just lie there reading a book or something, I won't have to count sheep, our neighbours kids won't be saying '' Mommy, he's killing her again'', you won't strain your vocal chords, our poor bed will last a little longer, and so will that burn cream....The average sexual encounter lasts 20 minutes, i swear...Google it!!

I wrecked that chick!!

It's always compicated, isn't it??

Stamina Pillow..

These are real!!..Produced by Durex for people who need to go longer, or not at all if i had to look at that while i did it. I usually (silently) count sheep or name the Man. Utd. team under Ron Atkinson from 1982 or something, once though i called out Mark Hughes a little too loudly, my girlfriend was not impressed!!

I don't see dead people...

My ten year old son James has to do a homework report tonight on someone he knew that died. Unfortunatly he doesn't know anyone who has died( Yes Owen, that is unfortunate). I offered to kill Mom, in an effort to make his homework a little easier, but she was having none of it. Anyway i'm off to make up a horrible sob story about James' dead uncle Jimmy or something, he died getting rolled over by a cat or in a chainsaw accident or something.

More Little Big Planet.......

I went into a game shop today & Little Big Planet was right there behind the counter, but the guy wouldn't sell it to me 'cos it's not out until Friday, several promises of sexual favours later, i left the store without it...Damn Hetrosexuals!!

Yet another Craption!

''The Devil drives Prada''..or...''My other car is a Nike''

Another Craption!

Vandalism in gay communities is a whole different concept!!

My Girlfriend Again!!

Yes, she likes posing!!

Little Big Planet

Little Big Planet is out next Friday, we recently had the beta and i can safely say that this is the funnest thing you can do with two hands and a tv!!...Well except...

Condoms!!

God i hate them, got some of those Ribbed & Studded ones last week to impress my girlfriend (It's come to this!!). Jees, how uncomfortable are these things, might just wrap it in duck tape & bubble wrap next time. They were really tight too, or maybe that's just me. Ya know how girls can put them on with they're mouths?? That's so impressive, it'd be even more impressive if i could put it on myself with my mouth, so i'm gonna spend the rest of the day practising that.