It's My Birthday!!

I'm 38 today!!.I guess it's time to start being responsible. My girlfriend's away which puts a damper on it. But it's my son's best friend's birthday today as well which also puts a damper on it. On the other hand it's also my brother's birthday today, so it was fun celebrating it with him today since he's just back from Australia in time. I got some cool presents!!

I Miss my Girlfriend..

She's gone to England for a week. My house feels very empty. She gets a great kick outta of annoying me and though I pretend to be annoyed, I really love it. I might sleep on the couch for a week, my bed would be way too lonely!!

If Valentine's Cards Told The Truth...

Again With The Photoshop!!

See, you can do 3D text with photoshop

Cartoons Again

Marks outta 10??

I'm the kinda person that has to be the best at everything I do. It's easy to compare the things I'm good at by watching other people, Musicians, Fathers, IT guys, Footballers, Boxers etc..But I've never seen any other guy have sex with a woman in real life, so although I think I'm good, i really have no clue. I've been told I am, but maybe my girlfriends have been too polite to tell me I'm crap. They seem to have a good time, but it's sex, you always have a good time. I'm trying to come up with a method of finding out how good I am, I first thought that a threesome with some other guy, but women haven't been accomodating so far. Then I thought of calling up Ex's & asking them what they thought of me in hindsight, but I suspect they might be mean, judging by the fact that I probably dumped them. (I wouldn't really do any of those things, I'm just curious is all). I'll just have to be happy with the fact that I might be an alright lover and not as i think...The Greatest Fuck on the Planet!!

Dirty Dreams...

Every night for a week I've been dreaming about sex. Dunno why, I never dreamt about that before, (except when I'm awake). They're the most vivid, realistic dreams I've ever had. It wouldn't be so weird if I wasn't dreaming about people (Women) I know. I seriously can't face these people anymore, when i see them, despite myself, I'll blurt out...'I had a dream about you last night!!'..and friendship over!!..I'm off now to analyze myself as to why I'm having these dreams in the first place..Maybe it's time to start cheating!!

I have the Flu...

Oh Man, I'd prefer to have penis cancer!!..I want my Mommy!!.although Sharon is taking good care of me, she's making me herbal tea with lemons, & giving me tablets & stuff. I know what would make me feel much better right now, but i don't wanna pass it on to her!!

More Cartoon

A Craption..

''He takes her for granite''...or...''John requested that he be remembered for his proudest achievement..John was a Rapist.

Movie Review..'Zack & Miri Make a Porno'

It's annoying the amount of unintelligent movie reviews online these days, so I'm about to change all that...So there's these two friends and like they're broke right!! So the guy says ''lets make a porno'', but the chick is like ''i dunno'' but then she says yeah and they make a porno. You don't see it going in or anything though, which was crap. But the movie was real funny and the chick was hot. It was weird when they fucked, so the lesson is, don't fuck your friends, it'll be weird & shit. And then you won't be friends anymore. So if any of my female friends wanna fuck me, sorry girls, i value our friendship too much to ruin it with amazing sex. Not really!! I don't care if it's weird afterwards, and that's why i don't have any female friends. So A++ outta 10 for me again, and the movie was good too.

I want!!

Now i really want one of these. How handy would that be? Well actually i don't need one, women do what i tell them anyway..Yes, I'm fooling myself!!

Cosmo..For the life you wish you had

Indigo Girls

I can't describe the pleasure these two women have brought to over the years. No one can write love songs like these two. Since i was young i wondered what they looked like, when i found out that they weren't too pretty i cared not. I'd still marry them. Later i found out they were both lesbians. Which meant all those beautiful love songs weren't written for me. For every woman i loved, every affair i had, there's an Indigo Girls song that hits me hard every time.

A Cartoon

Disclaimer: The author of this Blog does not condone cruelty to animals. No animals were harmed during the making of this comic strip.

Cute Little Ass

If anybody out there is wondering what to get me for Christmas, get me one of these. How cute is she? Man i would have great fun riding around the fields on that, whip in hand, all 12 stone of me.

Cute Little Ass #2

If anybody out there is wondering what to get me for Christmas, get me one of these. How cute is she? Man i would have great fun riding around the fields on that, whip in hand, all 12 stone of me

New Comic

Depressed & Cranky

I’m depressed and cranky today. I’m trying to put my finger on it but i can’t. I do have some episodes that need closing in my life,and I’m lonely, but then i always am. I think it’s that i haven’t done very much today, Went out for dinner, some shopping and not much else. I always get depressed on days like this, i guess i’m just meant to be restless, i should go with it and run myself ragged, i’m happier that way.

My Head is Wrecked!!

Rain

I like when it rains, it washes everything clean, it cleans my soul & washes away my pain, like a heavenly shower. Ha Ha, only joking it's just an excuse to park my fat, lazy ass on the couch all day and when it rains i don't have to wash my car

Oh Sweet...

.....a Playstation 3!!!

Girls Getting Ready

We went out last night, and my girlfriend spent more time getting ready than we spent drinking. Twenty outfits later we left with her still unhappy with her choice of clothes, and our main topic of conversation was how unhappy she was with the way she was dressed. Well, we did talk a lot about people we knew that we'd like to fuck. I on the under hand found some clothes thrown on my bedroom floor, stuck my head under the tap and walked out the door with my pants still open. And the picture?..Therapy for that last one!!

Christmas is Coming

I usually love Christmas, but last year was way too much work. I spent so much money, I'm pretty sure that there's nothing left to buy for my son. So this year we're not making a fuss. I think the guilt is the worst thing, how many Third world children could you save for the price of a Playstation 3? And walking around town with arms full of Brown Thomas bags makes it difficult to look people who look like they're struggling for Christmas in the eye. So James is getting a Kinder Egg, and Sharon is getting a bar of Chocolate this year. Merry Christmas!!.....and the picture?..Well i couldn't find a photo of Christmas that I liked, but for some reason i like this one, I hope Santa comes into my room this year!!!

I Can't Sleep

I don’t know why, I’m tired enough alright. Maybe it’s Christmas is getting me down, or maybe I’m sexually frustrated. Or it could be my pet T-Rex is in my way!! Isn’t he cute & cuddly though. I like those little arms he has. His name is Rex (Clever I Know). We trained him to be vegetarian. He was a stray we took in, isn’t it terrible how people just abandon thier pets, although i did hear that he ate thier kids.

More Comic

I wish the simple things in life made me laugh, you know, fart jokes, people falling down etc..but no, it takes a cartoon of someone injuring a child!!!

Real Mr. Burns

I'm not a big Simpsons fan but you gotta love Mr. Burns.

Another Comic

Katy Perry

Oh for Fuck's sake!!!!!!!

Smoking..

..I hate it so much, i so desperately want to quit. It's got such a hold on me. Everything thing i enjoy in life is associated with a cigarette, Finish eating..Cigarette, Cup of Tea..Cigarette, Conversation..Cigarette, Break from work..Cigarette, Finish sex..Cigarette. Tomorrow is gonna be my first smoke free day. Providing no one looks at me sideways, annoys me, talks to me, i don't get bored, i don't have sex, i don't eat and i don't see somebody else smoking..I'll be fine, right?

Ben & Jerry...

..Jesus save me from these two, this ice cream is too nice. So many flavours and it's half price at my local supermarket today. I'll be so fat that when i die from ice cream, they'll have to take the roof off my house to get my fat corpse out. Tomorrow night i'm gonna buy five tubs and invent my own flavour.

A Comic

Feckin' Spam...

I get so many spam E-mails, just today i've won £850,000 in some lottery, A special offer on Viagra, a penis enlargement offer (do these people know me), and an Arabian prince wants me to help him get his money out of the country, he's gonna give me £500,000 if i help him. Oh and Laura4455, i know that's not really you in that picture!!

Photoshop For Real

Isn't this cool?

Girl Love

I don’t understand why all women aren’t gay. I mean men are gross, they’re hairy, smelly, and have a penis. Woman are beautiful. I feel bad for women, that they have to have sex with men. If i’m making love to a woman, I feel bad for her, i mean wouldn’t she be better off with another woman? Maybe not, I’m the greatest fuck on the planet!

Pretty Girls

Maybe that analogy that pretty equals dumb isn’t true. Maybe it’s only Paris Hilton that’s like that. Or maybe it’s that everyone is interesting, but we’re better motivated to get to know pretty girls. If she wasn’t so pretty would you want to know her favourite movie, her favourite colour, her favourite music? This is a curse on all men, so many wonderful women out there, but only the pretty ones get attention. I find pretty girls most interesting, but then i don’t know any plain girls very well. If i opened my mind instead of my eyes maybe I’d find someone special. I know that will never happen, i’m as shallow as the next guy. Gimmie a nice bum instead of a girl that’s interested in physics any day!!!

I'm Always Sad...

..i always manage to find some reason to be sad and very few reasons to be happy. Sometimes i have to think really hard of a reason to be sad, but i manage to anyway. I'm sure i have lots of reasons to be happy but things like having a nice family, enough money, hot girlfriend, great job, Ps3, Xbox360, Wii, a Porsche toaster, nice penis, are never going to make up for the fact that my bed is too comfortable, my kitchen chairs are too hard, my internet is too slow, and that movie i saw last night had a crap ending!!

Looking for Love..not me, i hate it!!

I often wonder, if i was single, where would i find someone? I met my girlfriend at work, but these days that's classed as sexual harrassment. Nightclubs & bars aren't really my thing, and i'm not really interested in people i don't know. So, sad as it sounds i think it'd have to be the internet for me. Firstly, in order to use a computer you have to be somewhat intelligent. Secondly, you can put pictures on your profile these days. And thirdly, that person would have to be as sad, lonely & desperate as I am.

Sex Positions!

I can never understand couples who resort to books like the Kama Sutra. I mean do they say things like ''Ok, you bend over and put your legs around my neck & I'll wrap my legs around your neck and we'll go from there''?. I think you have to be pretty bored of your sex like to resort to this. What ever happened to passion?, you get into whatever position you get into.These people should try that game 'Twister'. I heard about this cool one though called the 'Missionary Position'..where the man lies on top of the woman. Woah!! that's pretty fucked up. If i have a few drinks tonight, i might try it.

Yet another Craption.

If your countries population exceeds a billion sometimes you have to take drastic measures -- sometimes you have to play pool outdoors.

Jealousy!